Ethel Phillis Smith

Ethel as a toddler with her maternal aunt, Ethel Phillis, 1899 . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ethel, on the r, with sister Anne - 1940s?

Auntie was an only child until she was 7½ when her sister (my mother, Anne) was born. She grew up in Dumbarton, Scotland and left school at 16. She went to work in the British Linen Bank until she joined the ATS during the war. She moved around with the army but spent a lot of time at Droitwich. After the war she started working with the Inland Revenue and spent a couple of years in London in the mid 50’s working with the Inland Revenue at Euston and attended St Columba’s Church in Pont Street. She returned to Dumbarton in 1956 and continued to work at the Inland Revenue in Scotland until she moved to the NHS in about 1959, working in their accounts department where she remained until her retirement in 1983. Six months after retiring, my mother died and 18 months later, Auntie moved down to Orpington to help my father ‘keep house’. Another 3-4 years later, my father and Auntie moved to Norfolk , a new house 5 Kingswood Court,Thorpe Marriot, Taverham, Norfolk,

where they lived until my father’s death in 2002 and Auntie moved back to Orpington to be near family. She lived in Orpington until moving into Brymore House in November 2018 following a fall in her home, after which she had serious mobility issues and could no longer look after herself.

After he died, my sister and I had a very hard job persuading my aunt to move back to Orpington. She was now 79 years old and very isolated in Norfolk. We sold the house and my sister and I bought a house in Orpington for my aunt to live in. She had macular degeneration and was diabetic, so needed some support. Brenda and I lived in Spain, so it all fell on the shoulders of Elizabeth. It wasn’t easy for her, her husband had passed away in October 2001 after a stroke and my aunt was a very opinionated and stubborn woman. Anyway, she lived there until 2018, when she had a bad fall in the house after which she was unable to cope on her own. She spent the next 2 years or so in a care home unable to get out of bed.

Auntie was a talented artist and wanted to go to art school in Glasgow after school but her parents were persuaded by various people that art school was ‘full of very odd people and not the place for a respectable girl to go’. It was rather sad as she enjoyed painting and drawing and decorated quite a lot of china which was bought in the years following the war whilst these items were still rationed and tended to be plain white. In fact, she painted my parents’ wedding tea set which I still have, along with various other items (a coffee set, bowls, jugs, etc…). Auntie also enjoyed needlecraft and made most of her own clothes, sewing, knitting and crocheting and she also designed some of her hats and made them. She did a lot of embroidery and tapestry work as well, some of which hung on the walls of her home. She was also a very keen and talented photographer with an eye for a good photograph. She and Dad visited Bill and Brenda in Melbourne in 1994 and she bought a new camera for the trip. Needless to say, she took hundreds of photographs to remind them of their trip of a lifetime and she had a collection of about 2,000 slides from various trips over the years as well as a vast number of other photos.

In her younger years, she sang in the choir at the church where my grandfather was an Elder. She was also a keen gardener in Scotland and grew a lot of her own vegetables as well as tending the flowers.

Auntie had a love of slapstick comedy and I can remember as a child going to the cinema to see Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines and watching lots of people watching her laughing, rather than watching the film! She enjoyed crime stories, especially Agatha Christie, and latterly listened to these stories on her talking books.

Auntie could be quite undiplomatic in things she said and definitely non-PC at times but she could also be very kind-hearted. When my sister-in-law, Brenda, had surgery in the 1980’s she had to take things easy after returning home from hospital and my father and Auntie took care of her whilst Bill was at work and Brenda has said that she looked after her very well indeed, nothing being too much trouble. I had a similar experience when I had to have surgery a few years after Mark died, even though Auntie managed to get lost trying to find my house! She had only ever been driven there by me and got off at the wrong bus stop!

My brother, Bill, and I used to tease Auntie as children and she took it in good humour (our father encouraged us to call her ‘Auntie Pantie’ much to her frustration!) and she drove us around sightseeing whenever we visited our grandparents and her in the school holidays. She loved seeing Anne and Christopher and she and my father used to drive down from Norfolk on a regular basis to see them and we were always welcomed when we visited them in Norfolk with trips to the seaside and the Dinosaur Park always on the agenda, along with other sights to visit. As a child, Auntie also learned to play the violin and Anne actually played Auntie’s violin until we bought her the current one. Auntie and my father always enjoyed going to Anne’s concerts with BYMT and she was very proud of Anne when she played at the Royal Albert Hall at the Schools Proms in 2004, as indeed we all were. She also enjoyed Christopher’s concerts with BYMT when he played the clarinet and both Anne and Christopher had fun teasing her at various times (again encouraged by Dad – as well as Mark and me!) and she took it in good stead (most of the time). Christopher used to be sick after most meals when he was much younger and, on one occasion, he was very sick in the kitchen at Dad’s house in Norfolk. It literally went everywhere and the floor was swimming in it so, in case someone slipped, Auntie told us not to move while she went to get a mop to clear it up. Of course, she managed to slip and fell in the middle of it and Mark told her ‘don’t move Auntie!’. We all thought he was going to help her up but he came back with the camera! We all laughed so much that our sides were aching but she wasn’t as happy until she was cleaned up when she could see the funny side of it!

Auntie was very ‘proper’ and things had to be done properly. Anne can remember that she would have lunch with Auntie when helping her during school holidays and it was always something special like smoked salmon in top quality bread with all the trimmings. She was always well dressed when she went out and, when she and Dad visited Bill and Brenda in Melbourne during the Australian summer, they had to persuade her not to wear her tights and numerous layers of underclothes when on a trip to Ballarat in temperatures reaching 42˚C. Needless to say, she felt uncomfortable about leaving the house without ‘appropriate clothing’ but she definitely appreciated the advice when she left the air conditioned car. When they were travelling to Australia, Bill and Brenda had arranged for them to be upgraded to Business Class on Singapore Airlines. Auntie was in her element sitting in the upper deck of the plane. She thought she’d try a soft drink and called the steward over. Thinking that she’d try something ‘local’, she ordered a Singapore Sling. After drinking it, she was horrified to learn that it contained gin – nevertheless, she said it was very enjoyable!

Unfortunately, in her 80’s, Auntie was diagnosed with macular degeneration and gradually started to lose her sight which she found particularly difficult as it prevented her from doing her needlework, painting, photography and reading. After a while, she found it increasingly difficult to even watch the TV and recognise family members and needed more and more help round the house and this was made even more difficult when she also started to lose her hearing. By the time she moved into Brymore House, she was very dependent on others helping her and the care she received there was truly second to none. All the members of staff cared for her so well, with a smile and such tenderness and helped her to maintain her dignity right up to the end and for that we shall always be so grateful and appreciative.